This is the first post I made thinking about this blog. I have this urge to start blogging because I need to exteriorize my thoughts in a shared manner. I'll start with this:
Writing has been my passion since I was in prepa, but my writing was always about gore and that kind of stuff. ...sometimes I feel vertigo for living. It's like I have too many opportunities to do something about any topic I know about but I have to choose nothing because every option feels like a well of doom.
I have been abandoning: animation, design, music, football, arts, writing, chess, collections, photography, video editing, films, jokes, party organization, drinks, and so on... Those are the ones I remember right now (2024-12-14 20:25 PDT) but it has been a journey until I'm here programming a blog.
I'm in the last 2 years of my 20s heading into my 30s and it feels important, but it isn't... It's like gaining years is something I need to address in my life. And I do, with all the pros and cons of it.
Medicating with B supplement and creatine is like "one step ahead" but it doesn't feel like that... It feels like winning a TV is more exciting when people watch you win it than the TV itself. Having the TV in my home causes more problems than benefits: buying the arm, choosing a place, installing it, setting it up... And I told my girlfriend I don't want a bed facing the TV. I need a free place, a shared experience with the people who are watching.
I'm really upset because my girlfriend and my family nag me that I smile more for the TV than for being with her. Isn't it obvious that I'm not happy? It's too much maintenance right now, and everything feels like we could drop some things and let the relationship evolve to a happier state. But it's not like in programming where you just change the code and clean things up.
In real life we remember things even when we say we'll forget them. There's nothing like in git where you can spend an hour looking for where the issue comes from to explain it clearly to your partner.